Confused
by Joji192
Summary: Chapter 11 up! How is Lily going to take the sudden changes in her life. Will Ray stay by her side and help her through it?
1. Losing friendhips

Things had been happening that year. After the whole Ray/Travis ordeal Lily wanted to move on and find someone new. Who knew that person would be closer than she thought.

It was a normal day at Henry Roscoe High. Lily wen to school and met up with Ray and Robbie.

" You know, I miss Travis." Lily said

Ray looked at her cautiously, afraid that she had feeling for him. " Ya we all do but maybe it's good that he's back in England. I think it suits him better."

Lily secretly agreed with Ray. Without Travis there to confuse her feelings she could finally move on from him and like someone new. Ray was almost glad that Travis moved because now he could try to get Lily to love him without being interrupted. Though he doubts he will have a chance with her since at the concert when she screamed I love you he told her it was too late. Well he's broken up with his girlfriend since then because he really loves Lily. Their friendship hasn't been the same since.

Lily still hopes that Ray will come around and realize he likes her. She suspects that he does. But if he does how can she accept it when he hurt her so much by rejecting her love. Lily isn't even sure if she would go out with him. Lately when she looks at him she doesn't feel the same pain and hurt anymore. IS it because she has gotten over it, or is it because there aren't any feelings left because it's been too long?


	2. The Kiss

Lily was walking down the hall that afternoon. She didn't know what to do. Ray was the one she had always wanted to be with, but lately she didn't feel the same. It might be that he hurt her, or was it that she just didn't love him anymore. She saw Ray walking in her direction. Concentrating hard she looked at him... There were too many mixed feelings for her to decide whether she liked him or not. What she did fell was the sadness of not really having him as a friend anymore.

" Yo Lily!" Ray yelled from across the hallway.

"Hey Ray"

" I was just wondering if you wanted to meet me at Mickeys Tonight. I think we need to talk, and work some stuff out." Ray looked nervous.

" Uh, ya I guess. How about sevenish?" Lily really didn't want to go, but she missed Ray as a friend so she didn't have any other choice. Blowing him off would just put more strain on their friendship.

"Great I'll see you there.

Lily got to Mickeys right at seven hoping that Ray wouldn't be late because she wanted to get this over with. When she went in Ray was already sitting there with flowers in his hand.

"Hi Lily. These are for you."

"Hey Ray. Thanks for these they're beautiful" Lily really wanted Ray as a friend, but if he was making stupid attempts to go out with her she didn't know if they could be friends.

" Lily, you need to know how sorry I am for hurting you. I never wanted that to happen. I just, well I had Grace. She was my girlfriend. How could I have ditched her for someone who rejected me not too long ago." Ray was sad that their friendship was over because of this.

"I wasn't asking you to ditch her. I just wanted you to understand, but all you said was sorry Lily I have Grace now it's too late for you. Then you almost seemed to get mad at me for telling you. But how could I not tell you Ray?" Lily was really upset now.

" I wasn't mad at you for telling me. I was mad at myself for giving up on you before and going out with Grace. If I had known that you loved me before I had gone out with her things would be very different. But I am here today to say I'm sorry for hurting you Lily. I love you. I always had. That's why I broke up with Grace, To see if I could have you back. But I guess I hurt you too much. Maybe we shouldn't hang out anymore." Ray got up to leave but before he could Lily pulled him close and kissed him. He kissed back. Ray was so happy. Lily was happy in a way. Finally she was kissing Ray, but something was off. She opened her eyes and loked at him kissing her. She felt nothing. Lily pulled away. Ray looked at her so lovingly that Lily forgave him instantly, but that didn't change the fact that she didn't feel anything for him except the longing for friendship.


	3. Confession Interruption

Robbie and Lily were at the station the next day just hanging out. Lily had just told Robbie about the kiss and how she feels.

"I don't know what to do. I don't like Ray anymore, but if I tell him that now that I've kissed him, he'll be broken hearted."

"I'm sorry Lily I don't know what to tell you. But actually I think that you need to tell Ray the truth. If he loves you he will understand."

" This is Ray we're talking about. He's loved me for a long time. If I tell him I don't know how we could ever be friends again."

" But if you don't tell him you are not being true to yourself or fair to Ray." Robbie was concerned. He knew that something like this could ruin everybody's friendships.

" You're right Robbie. Ugh! When did this get so complicated? I mean it's easy for you. You and Kim just happened there wasn't any stuff like this. I mean you guys really like each other. I want that. I want to just meat a guy and love him and have him love me back. I was supposed to have that with Ray but I dont." Lily was on the verge of tears.

" Well actually I'm thinking of breaking up with Kim."

"What? Robbie why?"

" Well I just can't live a lie anymore. I can't tell her about question mark because that would break us up and she hates question mark, but also I just don't feel the same way about her anymore."

" Wow Robbie I didn't see this coming." Lily was shocked. She never expected Robbie and Kim to break up. Well she had once thought they were over when River Pierce came into the picture, but now they were good. " Well is there someone else you are interested in.?"

"Well actually Lily, There is someone I've liked for quite a while. I didn't know I liked her until she kissed someone else and I got jealous."

"Ooooooo... Who is it?" Lily was exited. The first time she felt somewhat happy in days.

" You don't know? I thought it would have been rather obvious." Robbie really wanted Lily to guess who it was, but by the look on her face he guessed that she had no idea." Lily to tell you the truth, the person I like is..." Robbie got nervous.

" Oh come on Robbie who is it?"

" Ok Lily I'll tell you. I like L..." Just then Ray stormed in (not in a bad way just stormede in)

" Hello friend and" He looked exited." Girlfriend. I just love saying that."

" And I love hearing it" Lily faked a smile and looked over at Robbie. 5obbie gave kind of a half smile. Lily noticed that he looked sort of hurt. She brushed it aside and looked up at Ray who immediately came over and gave her a huge kiss. Lily returned the kiss, but it almost grossed her out because she only thinks of Ray as a friend. Robbie having seen this kiss went and sat down feeling quite depressed and Jealous...


	4. Finding love

After Robbie had almost spilled the beans on who he liked Lily was curious. She couldn't wait to get him alone and corner him and ask him. Lily had asked Ray to meet her at Mickeys so they could talk. Ray didn't like the sound of that, but he agreed to go anyway. When Ray arrived at Mickeys Lily called him over and he sat down.

" Ok whats up you don't look happy." Ray looked concerned.

" Ok. Look Ray a lot has happened lately. I mean after the whole ordeal with Travis and you and me I didn't think that I would ever be your girlfriend. I liked you for so long. The whole entire time you were with Grace, but feelings change. I'm so so so sorry Ray, but I don't think I like you in that way anymore." Lily started to tear.

" then why did you kiss me and go out with me and say that you were my girlfriend?"

I didn't know I didn't like you until after I kissed you. I kept this goign for so long because I didn't want to hurt you Ray I'm sorry."

" DO you think that stringing me along thinking that you're my girlfriend then dropping this bomb is better?"

" Ray I didn't know how to tell you I never wanted to hurt you." Lily was crying now

" Well mission failed Lily, mission failed." Ray stormed out after that leaving the only girl he had ever loved crying. Lily was heartbroken. She was glad that she told Ray but she had lost the only guy that ever truly cared about her, and who truly loved her.

Later that day at the station 

"Robbie he and I will never be friends again." Lily and Robbie were at the station waiting for Ray to show up to do the show. " This is probably the end of RFR. We can't do it without Ray. He'll leave RFR for good now."

" I hate to say this but I think you're right. I doubt he'll even show up today." Robbie was playing with the microphones.

" I need to take my mind off of this. So Robbie how are things with Kim?"

" Well I'm breaking up with her this week. It has to be this week. I can't take it anymore."

" So who is mystery girl that you like so much?

" Well Lily I guess I'd have to tell you sooner or later."

" Sooner please sooner."

" I don't know if now is the best time for you to know. It might complicate things a little for you." Robbie looked a bit sheepish

" How could it? I mean I doubt I even know the girl. I mean it's not like it me!" Lily laughed then looked over at Robbie. He quickly avoided he eyes. "Robbie? Is it me?" Robbie looked at her and nodded. Then he said, "well whatever. Maybe we should cancel the show today." He was nervous. Lily didn't know what to say.

" Robbie I think I need some time to think."

" Ya sure whatever. Let's just not do the show today." Lily started to pick up her things. " Besides there is probably someone else you like too." Robbie said.

" Well there is somebody I think I like, but I really need to think stuff over." Lily looked at him.

" Ya ok. Well go home think." As Lily left Robbie became sad. He knew he would never have a chance with her.

Lily was halfway home when she stopped. Wait. What's there to think about? It's Robbie. Robbie is the guy I like. I have to go to him before it's to late. Lily started running back to the station as fast as she could go.

Robbie was sitting on the couch when Lily ran in. She was out of breath.

" Lily what's wrong?

" It's you!" Lily whispered very out of breath.

" What's me?" Robbie looked Worried.

" I like you Robbie. I have for a while now, but I just realized it."

Robbie looked taken aback. He never in his wildest dreams would have thought that Lily like him. " Lily sit down you're like hyperventilating or something."

Lily sat down. Robbie sat beside her. She looked in to his eyes, he looked into hers. They both leaned forward and kissed. The kiss was amazing. It started out soft and innocent, then they kissed harder, their mouths opened. Lily started exploring Robbie's mouth with her tongue. He did the same. It was getting very intense. They started to lie down, Robbie was on top of her. They stayed this way for a few seconds making out. Robbie took of his shirt. Lily took of hers to reveal a red bra. Robbie reached for her belt buckle...


	5. The First Time

Ray was at home sulking. Everything had gone wrong. Lily didn't love him. They had broken up. And he didn't think they would ever be friends again. He walked over towards his dresser. Lying on top was a picture of him and Lily from when they were 10. He remembers how much fun they had that day. Now all of that was gone because they had hurt each other so much. Ray knew that no matter how painful and awkward it was going to be at first, he had to get Lily back one way or another. HE needed their friendship. He started planning.

Robbie pulled away for a second." What are we doing?"

" We're making out Robbie it's not a crime" Lily wished he hadn't stopped. It had felt so good.

" I know you're right but somehow it doesn't feel right"

" Ray"

" Ya. I don't think I can be here making out with you when Ray is out there miserable." Robbie leaned back on the couch. Lily leaned against his bare chest. All of this felt so right. She remarked on how fit Robbie really was. She couldn't help herself, she stroked his six pack. Robbie stiffened. Everything had been going so good with her. It felt so right. He wished he hadn't thought about Ray. Lily sat up. She was only in a bra on top. Robbie scanned her up and down. He almost couldn't contain himself.

" Robbie you shouldn't be thinking about Ray. This is our moment."

" I know Lily but,"

" No buts. You like me and I like you so we can make out if we want."

" You're right Lily, but I think I kind of killed the moment."

" Yeah..." Lily leaned in and kissed him softly, he kissed back. A whirlwind of emotions came to them. She pulled away. " Moment back?"

" Oh yeah!" Robbie came down on her with a kiss. Pretty soon he was on top of her again kissing hr madly. They made out like this for a while, then Robbie reached for her belt buckle again...

After it was over, they looked deep into each other's eyes and kissed. He got up and picked up the throw from the couch he laid down next to Lily put the blanket over them and wrapped her in his arms. They never wanted this moment to end, but they knew that it was getting late and they would have to go home soon, but they both fell asleep.


	6. More Pain

Ray got up in the morning, and had a shower. He felt sick. He felt as if his heart had been ripped out and thrown on the pavement.

"How could she do this to me?" Ray said aloud. He slammed his hand on the wall. HE looked in the mirror. He looked like a wreck. It's understandable though, he didn't get any sleep the night before. He had stayed up all night planning how to get Lily back. All he had so far though was the same stuff he always did, give her flowers, be sweet, but he needed something that would make her fall in love with him. Just then the phone rang. Ray picked it up.

"Hello?"  
"Hi, Ray? It's Mrs. Randell." She sounded worried.

"Oh hey Mrs. Randell, what's up?"

"Have you seen Lily, or Robbie?" Lily never came home last night, and Robbies mother phoned me saying hr didn't either, we don't know where to look."

" I'll go look at some places, don't worry I'm sure they are fine." Ray hung up. He only knew of one place that they could be. He got on his bike and started to ride towards the warehouse.

Lily opened he eyes, When she noticed that it was sunny out she sat up very worried. Robbie looked up.

"Wow. You look..."

"Robbie, now's not the time! We spent the night here"

"Ok... Relax. I'm sure nobody noticed." Just then Robbies cell phone rang.

"Hello? Oh hi mom. No I'm fine, I just fell asleep. Yeah Lily's here too. Don't worry It was just a simple mistake. Ok I'll be home in five minutes. Yes I'm sorry. Bye." Robbie turned back to Lily. As he was about to say something the door opened. Standing there was Ray.

"Well, what the hell is this?" Ray was angry, and upset, and he felt betrayed. Lily looked at Robbie, and then at herself and gulped really hard. They were on the floor covered with a thin blanket, she was just wearing a bra, and he was just wearing boxers.

"Ray, let us explain please." Lily looked pleadingly at him.

"Explain what. You don't need to explain, I know what went on here. My god it's so obvious. You broke up with me because you like him, and he betrayed me by having... stuff with you. Lily, I thought you wanted to wait until you were married." Ray was steaming now.

"I don't... I don't know what happened, it just sorta happened." Lily looked away.

"Ray look just let.."  
"NO! Don't even try to make this better. We are done! We are no longer friends or anything. Both of you are dead to me!" And with that Ray stormed out. Lily and Robbiecouldn't speak. They had never thought that this would end their friendships with Ray.

"Well, whjat do we do now? Are we together, or are we not?" Robbie looked deep into Lilys eyes.

"I don't know robbie. This is all a little confusing. I think We both should take some time to think about all of this."

"yeah maybe you're right." Robbie got up and put on his clothes and left. Lily did the same. As she got dressed she thougtha about what Robbie had said to his mom. He said it had been a simple mistake. Had it been a mistake? Lily didn't know, but something didn't feel right.


	7. Even more hurt

Four days had passed since the "incident"; and Ray hadn't been to school in all of that time. Lily and Robbie were getting worried, and upset.

"What if something's wrong, like really wrong." Lily turned to Robbie. It was the first time they had spoken in days, it had been quite awkward for them.

Robbie was taken aback when Lily started talking. "Oh Lily I'm sure he's fine. I mean what could be wrong?" For the past few days Robbie had been really upset. He and Lily had had a beautiful moment and now it was gone.

"Well I don't know, but... I just don't know. He should be here." Lily was actually worried.

"Lily I'm sure he's fine. Stop worrying."

"Ok I'll stop." Lily looked at Robbie. He was staring deep into her eyes. HE looked quite pitiful. She wanted to lean in and kiss him, but when she looked at him she just felt wrong. The whole thing felt a little off. Just then Kim came walking up. She wrapped her arms around Robbie's neck and kissed him. He kissed back, but all the while he was staring at Lily. Lily felt as if her heart had just been smashed into a million pieces. She then remembered that Robbie hadn't had a chance to break up with Kim yet. When Robbie and Kim stopped kissing he stepped away from her.

"Kim. We really really need to talk." Robbie said to Kim.

"O...k. Sure meet me at Mickeys tonight, and we'll talk." She tried to sound joyous but Kim knew that something was wrong. After Kim walked away Robbie spoke again.

"Lily I'm sorry I just haven't had a chance-"

"It's fine." Lily faked a smile. " I have to go now, we should talk later. Yeah Ok see ya" She walked off to class. Robbie watched her walk away. His heart breaking that he couldn't make any of this easier for Lily.

Ray opened his eyes and looked out the window. He looked over at the clock. 10:30.

"I guess I'm missing school again." He didn't really care. He felt as if there was no reason to live anymore. He got up and had a shower. It helped a little, but he just couldn't muster the will to do anything else. He crawled back into bed. After another hour of sleep he woke up, and turned on the radio. Lily's song was playing of course. HE started to cry. Not just one glistening tear; He actually started to bawl. He was just so broken hearted that he couldn't stop crying for over an hour.

The next day Ray was back at school. He felt as if he didn't belong there anymore, like he didn't fit in. He felt as if he was watching everything happen instead of living it. While walking down the hall he spotted Lily. She was crying. His first instinct was to run over there, and ell her everything would be ok. But he just couldn't. He didn't feel any connection to her anymore. And he doubted that he ever would.

Lily was sitting on one of the benches with her head in her hands. She felt so awful. She felt as if she wasn't even the same person anymore. She tried to regain her composure. She looked up. Ray was standing in the middle of the hallway looking at her. AS soon as they made eye contact he turned in the other direction. Lily couldn't contain herself. She started bawling right there in the middle of the hallway. Robbie walked passed cougar radio and noticed that Kim was red faced, and puffy eyed. She didn't notice him thankfully. He suspected that she wouldn't want to see him after what happened the night before. He had ended their relationship. He was relieved, but he also felt strange, like he missed her. He brushed the feeling to the side when he noticed Lily crying. He ran over to her.

"Lily what's wrong. Are you ok?"

"Yeah... I'm ok." She brushed away the tears. She looked up at Robbie; the boy she had given everything to. Her mind body and spirit, but all she felt was pain and regret. The love she thought she had felt for him was now turned into a sick painful feeling that she wished she could take back. "Robbie, I... think we need to talk."

"My thoughts exactly. I think in a few days we can bring our relationship out. We shouldn't just yet, I mean I just broke up with Kim." Robbie smiled at her. Lily winced.

"Robbie. I don't think we should bring our "relationship" out in the open."

"What do you mean?"  
"Well I mean, think about Ray. It will hurt him even more then we already have." Lily looked away.

"Yeah, but it doesn't matter about him anymore. I know that sounds awful, but this is about us, and what we've found."

"Yeah I guess... But-"

"But what? There are no buts. We like each other, and we have the right to be together. I mean after what we did there isn't anything stopping us. And Lily, I think I love you."

"Robbie I'm so sorry."

"Sorry about what?"

"I'm sorry I have to do this now."

"Do what now?"

"Robbie it's just that, I just think that we're just two really great friends, who made a really big mistake."...

**Authors note:  
I have decided, for future plotlines, that it is almost the end of grade 10 for them. Thankyou for reading.**


	8. Confessions

Robbie couldn't speak. He hoped that this was just some sick joke. But it wasn't.  
"Robbie, let me explain." Lily reached for his hand. He pulled it away.  
"I think you've said enough."  
"No Robbie I haven't finished yet."  
"There's more? I think I've heard enough. My god Lily why do you think that you can just toy with peoples emotions this way. I mean first Ray. You strung him along for weeks. And now me. But I can't believe that you actually let us go that far when your heart wasn't actually in it. How could you do this?" Robbie couldn't even look at her.  
"Robbie I'm sorry. My heart was in it. It just felt so right. But now it feels wrong. Something missing here and I can't seem to find it. I don't feel like myself anymore. And I wish that I could take the whole thing back. I wish that I could just go back, and fix everything that happened with Ray and Travis because then none of this would ever have happened. Ray and I would still be friends, and you and I would never have done this." Tears started rolling down her cheeks.  
"Well you can't. You can never take this back." Robbie was starting to cry too. "So, so where does this leave us?"  
"Nowhere for now. I think I just need some-"  
"Time? That's great Lily. Make me fall in love with you, and have us make love, and then go ahead and want some time.  
"I'm so-so-so sorry." Lily could barely get the words out.  
"Lily it's fine. Take all of the time you need. All of the time in the world, but just remember this, when you decide your ready for this and me I might not still be here waiting." Robbie got up and walked away.  
"Robbie! No wait! Please come back." Lily shouted down the hallway. Robbie turned the corner then was gone. Lily slumped down and cried. Ray noticed, but he actually didn't care. He felt no need to go over to her. It saddened him. He felt no connection to this girl. Everything they had been through as children had been swept away. There were no memories of fun times left; all he felt was pain, and betrayal.  
Lily woke up three days later and felt sick to her stomach, literally. She ran to the bathroom and threw up. She concluded that she must have the flu that was going around. She had probably picked it up from Parker who had just gotten better the day before.. After a few hours Lily felt better, and she decided to invite Parker over. She needed to talk to someone. And she thought Parker would be the best.  
"Ok Lily, what did you need to talk about?" Parker flopped onto Lily's bed.  
"Well I really need to talk to someone, and tell someone what's been going on, and I think you're the only person I can talk to about this."  
"Lily, you're sort of scaring me, what's wrong?""Ok, here goes." Lily could barely speak. "I slept with Robbie." The words came out in a whisper, but Parker got the gist of it.  
"O...k. That's... interesting." Parker didn't know what to say.  
"But that's not all." Lily sat down beside her.  
"What. Randy come one tell me. What else could there be?"  
" Parker. I'm late."  
"Late for what?" Parker didn't understand.  
"No Parker, I'm "late"." Lily looked away. She couldn't stare her friend in the eye.  
"Ok. It's ok" Parker sat up. "We need to go and get you a test, and I'm sure it will be fine." Parker sat up and grabbed Lilys hand. "Come on. Let's go and get one right now." They left.  
"Oh my god."  
"No Lily it's ok."  
"No it's not."  
"Yes it is. It's all ok."  
"Parker! Look at it."  
"Ok I know what it says, but it will be ok."  
"Life will never be ok again."  
" Maybe it's a false positive.""Maybe, but this is said to be the most accurate."  
"Ok, but you can make it work. It will all work out in the end."  
"Maybe..."  
"You need to talk to Robbie."  
"I know, but maybe I should go to the doctor first."  
"Yeah that's a good idea."  
Lily was waiting in the doctors office. She was freaking out. She didn't want to be pregnant. She couldn't be.  
"Oh hello Dr. Wilson." Lily sat up when the doctor entered the office.  
"Lily. I have some good news and some bad news."  
"Ok..."  
"The good news is that you're not regnant."  
Lily felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She was thrilled. Then she remembered what he had said about bad news. "and the bad news?"  
"I found what appears to be a tumor."...


	9. Friends again?

"Ray can I talk to you for a minute?" Lily asked.

Ray looked up at her. He was sitting with a bunch of people she didn't know. He had made new friends extremely fast. "Ok, well make it quick. We're busy." He looked down again.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I really really need to talk to you in private." Lily's tone was urgent.

"Whatever you need to say to me you can also say to my friends. We keep no secrets." Ray was purposely acting like a jerk.

"Ray! Please just do me this one last favor, and I promise I won't bother you again. You can go on and hate me, and hate Robbie forever, but please just come with me right now."

Ray looked annoyed, but he got up, and went with her. "Ok Make it quick."

"Ray, I thought that you should hear this from me before the word spreads and you find out from some stranger. I know that you hate me, but I still need to tell you." Lily was almost starting to cry.

"Well if you're going to tell me then tell me. I said make it quick." Ray crossed his arms. Lily couldn't believe that Ray was acting like this. She knew he felt hurt, but he was acting like a complete jerk.

"Ok Ray. Here goes. Ray, I have cancer. I just thought you should know." Lily turned to walk away. Ray couldn't speak. He didn't know what to say. He didn't want to forgive her just because of this, but he felt like he couldn't just say nothing. She just rounded the corner when he caught up with her.

"W-what do you mean cancer?"

"Cancer Ray. Like the disease. I found out three days ago."

"But, you- you can't have cancer."

"Well I do, and as if this couldn't get any worse, they don't expect that I will make it through grade 11." Lily couldn't look directly at him.

"Ok. Thank you for telling me." "That's all you can say? I know you hate me but god. We've been best friends since forever, and I know I completely ripped your heart out, but I just told you that I have cancer. Cancer. Does that mean anything to you? I don't expect you to forgive me, but at least say something comforting, or not comforting, but at least something nice. Show some form of compassion. I guess you really were serious when you said that I was dead to you. Well now that can be completely real because there is an 85 chance that I will." Lily shook her head at him, and just walked away. She couldn't be bothered to yell at him anymore. It obviously wouldn't do any good.

Ray just stood there. He immediately felt bad for being such a jerk. He realized that it didn't matter anymore how mad at her he was. She needed friends right now more than ever. He needed to be there for her. He guessed that Robbie was being there for her, but he decided that he should be too. He would eventually forgive her completely. He ran after her. "Lily!" She stopped walking. She turned around to see Ray running up to her. "Lily! I don't care how weird it is, or how uncomfortable it will be. I can't not be your friend. Please let me be your friend again. I'll find some way to deal with you and Robbie being together." Ray looked at her. He still didn't really feel a connection, but he would just have to find a new one.

"Ray. Robbie and I aren't together. I ended it."

"What? Why?"

"It's really complicated, and I don't really want to talk about it."

"Does he know?"

"About the cancer? Yeah I told him. He is still mad at me, but he's there to support me. But don't worry, he and I won't be hanging out any time soon." Lily gave a fake smile.

"Oh." That's all he could say.

"Yeah... So what's new with you?"...

When Lily got home there was a message waiting for her on her computer.

_Lily-__  
I miss you so much. I can't believe it's been four months since I've seen you. I hope this isn't a bad time, but I think that I really need to say this to you. Lily I love you. I always have, and I don't know how I'm going to be able to move on. I hope this didn't come at a bad time, and I don't expect you to respond to that. I just couldn't hold it in anymore.  
-Travis_

Lily didn't know what to think. She couldn't believe what she had just read. She had thought that Travis was over her, but he wasn't, obviously. She started to write a response.

_-Dear Travis,  
Don't worry about it. I'm glad you told me. I do miss you too._  
Lily stopped. She didn't know how to tell him that she had cancer. She felt as if she needed to tell him about Robbie, but decided against it, for now.  
_Travis, I think that I need to tell you something_... That sucks. She thought to herself.  
_Travis I need to tell you something. I really think that you need to know. I have cancer. I just thought you should know._

She decided not to rewrite it because she didn't feel like dwelling on the topic of cancer. The finished product was:

_Dear Travis,  
Don't worry about it. I'm glad you told me. I do miss you to. Travis, I need to tell you something. I really think that you need to know. I have cancer. I just thought you should know.  
-Lily_

What a crap way to tell someone you have cancer. She thought to herself. She clicked send, and it was gone.

At school the next day Ray came and sat down next to her. It felt weird to both of them, but they made due. It felt good to be hanging out together again. Robbie walked by. He looked at them, and then just walked off. Lily started to cry. Ray didn't knwo wat to do. He felt as if he couldn't comfort her about what was going on with Robbie that it would just be too weird.

Lily had another message on her computer waiting for her when she got home.

Lily-_  
I don't know what to say. I actually couldn't speak when I read that message. I guess there won't be any better time to tell you this. My dad is being transferred back to Roscoe next month, so I'll be back in a month. Now I can be there for you. Any way I should go. I'm sure everything will work out ok.  
-Travis_

"Shit." That's all Lily could say.


	10. Pain It keeps on coming

Travis was sitting at home counting the minutes until he would be in Roscoe again. He couldn't believe Lily had cancer. It wasn't possible. She was just so full of life. He sensed that something else was up too. When he had spoken to her on the phone a week earlier she had sounded strained, and she didn't sound like she wanted to talk to him. He thought that she was probably like that because she was worried. I mean who wouldn't be worried if they just found out they had cancer? But he still knew that something else had happened, something Lily wasn't telling him about. He wondered if something had happened with Ray. He didn't know what to think, but he would be back in Roscoe in a week and then he would know.

Robbie decided to go for a walk. Lately he didn't know what to do with him self. He missed Lily so much, but then again... He didn't know what to think. As he was walking he spotted Kim sitting in the park. He walked over to her, but when he got close he stopped. He forgot that Kim was mad at him. She turned around when she heard him approach.

"Hi..." Kim said.

"Hey Kim." Robbie looked at the dirt.

"Can I help you with something?" Kim sounded annoyed.

"No, I uh was just going for a walk to clear my head." Robbie didn't make eye contact.

"Oh." Seeing Robbie made Kim sad. She still loved him even though he had ended it with her.

Robbie walked over to her and sat down. "Kim, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"But you did Robbie. You broke my heart." Kim looked away.

"I know, and I regret it so much."

"What do you mean you regret it?"

"I wish I hadn't ended things with you. I guess I juts got restless. I've realized now that I loved you, but I ended it because I thought I loved someone else, but all I really felt for that person was infatuation. And so now I regret breaking up with you." Robbie looked at her.

"I-I don't know what to say" Kim looked back at him.

Robbie leaned in and kissed her. She pulled away, but then smiled and kissed him back. They were both so happy.

For the next three nights Lily couldn't sleep. All she could think about was Travis. He was coming back. She didn't know what to think. She wanted to be excited, but she couldn't make it happen. She knew that as soon as Travis stepped off the plane her life would become even more complicated. She would eventually have to tell him about her and Robbie. And how she had treated Ray.

At school a few days later Lily got called down to the office. That was weird. She was never called down. She was never in trouble. When she got there Principal Waller was waiting there for her. He did not look happy.

"Lily..." Principle Waller was having trouble speaking.

"Yes..." Lily thought this was odd. It didn't look like she was in trouble, but if she wasn't why would she have been called to the office.

"Lily, I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but... your father was in an accident."

"W-w-w..."

"I'm so sorry. Your mother phoned. She said that she will be here shortly to pick you up, and take you to the hospital."

"He's, he's in the hospital?" Lily could hardly speak.

"Yes, he-he's in critical condition."  
Lily started crying. She didn't know what to do. She didn't understand how this could be happening, and at such a time. What if he didn't make it. How would they afford the medical bills. She was supposed to start her treatments soon. Without her dad she doubted they could get through.

Days later Lily was sitting in her room playing it over and over and over again in her head. She couldn't stop thinking about it.

Her mother had taken her to the hospital. She had walked in and seen her dad. He was cut up everywhere, he couldn't breathe on his own. They had just told her that he had a very small chance of making it. She asked why he wasn't awake, and they told her that he was unconscious. She had sat with him for hours. He had eventually opened his eyes. He told her that he loved her, and then...

When she was brought back to reality she was crying. Ray had awoken her from her daze. He was wearing a suit. She hadn't seen him dressed like that in a long time. He went and sat down with her.

"Lily, I-"

"Don't. Ray please don't. Nothing you can say will make this better. It's better if you just don't say anything."

Ray just grabbed her hand and held it. She looked at him. She looked right into his eyes. She hadn't really looked at him like this in a very long time. She could see how much he cared for her. She leaned in. Ray jumped up. Lily was startled

"What Ray?"

"Lily I don't think this is a good idea." Ray took a step back.

"You don't think what's a good idea?"

"What you were about to do. Lily you're vulnerable right now. Kissing me won't make things better. It will only complicate everything. Besides I know how you really feel about me. You would only be kissing me because you're upset about losing your dad." Ray felt so awful for her. He just wanted to wrap her in his arms and never let her go, but he knew that he couldn't.

Lily couldn't speak. She just looked at him. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"Lily, if we were to ever kiss again, it would be because we both want it, and we both like each other." Ray saw her sitting there looking so helpless.

Lily walked over to him and said, " Kiss me Ray."

"No, Lily I can't. It wouldn't be fair to either of us.

"Just one kiss Ray I just want to see something."

"Lily I don't think this is the best time. You're really vulnerable, and... It just wouldn't be right." Ray took a step away.

Lily took a step forward, and said, "I want you to." And she kissed him. He kissed back. He felt a rush of emotions that he couldn't control. He pulled her closer.

She pulled away. She looked at him. She cried. She wanted so much to have someone hold her, and take care of her, but she couldn't do this to Ray, not again. She didn't know what she felt for him. She was so sure before that she didn't love him, but now... She kissed him again. And again. She backed away slowly and sat on the bed. She looked up at him, and couldn't hold back her tears. He sat down beside her and asked, "What's going on here Lily?"

"I... I don't know." She looked at him and bit her lip. She kissed him again, softly this time, and pulled away. She looked at him. She wondered whether or not it was right to take this risk. "Ray,"

"Yes Lily?"

"Make love to me."


	11. Strange events

"W-w-w-what?" Ray was completely taken by surprise.

"Ray, make love to me."

"You can't be serious."

"I've never been more serious in my life." Lily kissed him. He immediately pulled away and started walking towards the door

"Ray!"

"Look Lily, you're really distraught right now, you don't know what you're saying."

"Yes I do. Make love to me." Lily stood up and walked towards him.

"Lily, you're entirely to young to be saying things like this. We're only just sixteen."

"So? It's not like itwould be that big of a deal for you."

"What are you talking about?" Ray was confused.

"How would it be a big deal, if it's not your first time?"

"What?" Ray started feeling really nervous. His stomach was in knots.

"I know what you did with Grace."

"W-what are you... WHAT?"

"That's right. I heard all about it. Grace was telling her little circle of friends one day, and I over heard. That's part of the reason I was so hurt before."

"What exactly did you hear?" Ray was sweating.

"I heard the WHOLE story. About how you guys got drunk, and then you were dropping her off at her house, and her parents weren't home, and what you did when you guys got up to her room..." **( I know this wasn't really in RFR, but it's an important plot line so bear with me)**

"Lily, I," Ray couldn't speak, he was so ashamed.

"See RAy, if it's not a big deal to do it with someone you don't love, why would it be a big deal with me? I mean don't you want to?"

"Well, I... I guess I sorta do kinda-ish, but we can't just do... it Lily."

"Why not?" Lily was getting annoyed.

"Ok, we can't do this because A) you're upset B) we're really young C) you don't love me so it wouldn't be fair, and it just wouldn't be right."

"But I'm giving you the green light Ray. Take this opportunity."

"Lily you're not sounding like yourself. You wouldn't be saying this if you were completely right in the head."

"Are you calling me insane?"

"No! I just think that you're upset about losing your dad, and everything that's happened lately."

"You're right I am upset. That's why I want someone to hold me, and make me feel protected and loved."

"I can do that! Ill stay with you, and talk to you, and keep you company."

"But Ray! Can't you just do this for me? One favor. Please Ray."

Ray couldn't believe what he was hearing. Lily really wasn'y sounding like herself. "Lily, you can't have seriously just said that. I can't just consider this a favor to you. No matter what you say this is a big deal. S...s... Se... It's always a big deal!" Ray reached for the doorknob.

"Ray, wait." Lily stood up and looked at him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be saying things like this. I'm not sounding by myself. You're completely right. It is a big deal... I guess." Lily started to cry.

"Lily it's ok. I... guess I understand. A lot has been happening lately. Your dad. Your cancer, and not to mention whatever happened with you and Robbie."

Lily sat back down. She clutched her stomache. All of this crying had made her feel sick. She started crying harder. "Thank you Ray. Thank you for bringing that up." Lily buried her face in her hands.

"What? What's wrong?" Ray sat beside her.

"Why, why did you have to bring Robbie into this?" Lily was crying really hard now.

"I thought it was a relevant point. Why? What really happened with you two."

"I broke up with him."

"I knew that already, but why?" Ray didn't understand.

"Because, because after it happened all I felt was sadness, and regret, and so much pain. All I could do was wish that it would all go away, and that it could be right again, but it wasn't. I couldn't take it back. I felt so awfull. I had betrayed you. And I had given my whole self to someone who I thought I loved, but... I don't know what happened. I mean I knew that it would be hard becuase of you, but I never expected that I would regret it that much. I regreted it so much that it hurt. And I just couldn't take any of it. I had to get away from him, so I ended it, before it even had a chance to begin." Lily rolled herself up in a ball and cried really hard. All of her emotions that she had been holding in came flooding out, and she couldn't control it.

"Lily, I," Ray didn't know what to say.

"Don't Ray. Anything you say at this point would just be awkward between us, so don't say anything." Lily was completely red in the face and she had a tear stained face. And she was still crying. All Ray could do was hug her, so he did. He held her, and she cied on his shoulder for what seemed like hours. After a while longer Lily looked up, she had stopped crying. She leaned in and kissed him. He kissed back. He knew that he should pull away, but he couldn't. He thought that she must like him somewhat if she wanted to kiss him. She pulled away after a minute, and looked deep into his eyes. He looked back. They shared a very romantic moment, then RAy got up and started to walk toward the door. He stopped before going through the door and turned to face Lily. He put his hand on the doorknob. As he started to walk back to Lily he pulled the door closed...

Robbie and Kim spent the next half-hour making out. She stopped.

"Robbie, I'm not exactly sure if this is the right thing to do."

"Why?"  
"Well, you dumped me because you "loved" someone else, and because you were restless. A few minutes ago you basically told me that you didn't really love her, and it was just a crush, so thus you just got tired of me, and abandoned me for a crush, and now that we've had a break you want me back. That's not exactly fair to me."  
"That's not it. I was just so confused then. I didn't know what I wanted, but I miss you so much, I can barely explain it. I was an ass, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so stupid, and I shouldn't have taken you for granted. Please forgive me." Robbie pleaded.

Kim wanted to yell and say no to him, but she loved him just too much. She leaned in and kissed him, and they made out some more.


End file.
